If you’re new here, hi Friends! I’m Cyia, mother, teacher of mindset & meditation, interior stylist, former actor & dancer, curiosity chaser and resource queen. I started Lifestyler as a gathering spot for all the topics that lend themselves to a life lived whole. No gatekeeping here!
If you’re a free subscriber, you can read most posts on the day of publishing, and if you become a paid subscriber (for only $9/month), you’ll be able to enjoy all posts, anytime and will have access to special offerings available only to you. Either way, I’m glad you are here!
You know those days. They don’t come often, but when they come…they come.
It’s early morning, your favorite time of the day. The sun has not yet risen, the birds are quiet, you haven’t even gotten out of bed, and yet somehow, your first thought of the day has you wondering, “What time can I go to bed tonight?”
Know them? Yep, me too, and for me, these early morning inquiries are rarely a good sign.
They don’t mean that everything is about to fall apart per se, but they are a clear indicator that either my nervous system is dis-regulated, I am feeling wildly overwhelmed or under-stimulated, or, as has been the case lately, I’m hormonally imbalanced to the point of teetering on depression. Whatever the reason, all of the above require taking action.
And when you’re feeling meh, action is often the hardest thing to take.
I know myself well enough to know that on these rare days, I’m going to have to shake things up quite a bit, lest that heavy head get the best of me. I’m good at giving myself grace and calling it a rest day when I really need one, but thankfully, those days are few and far between. On days like this one — just all around blech-but-not-impossible-so-I’ve-got-to-get-myself-up-and-going,
it’s time to dig deep into my mindset utility kit, and pull out the big girl tools.
I’ve been teaching Mindset & Meditation for about 15 years, and despite my early days being more about slapping a silver lining onto everything, I’ve developed a system for myself that requires actual work, with only a dash of that toxic positivity sprinkled on top.
"Toxic positivity" refers to the cultural expectation or inclination to maintain a positive mindset at all times, dismissing or invalidating genuine emotions, especially those perceived as negative or undesirable (kind of like the ones that show up on days like these). We see it all the time on social media vis a vis the endless roll-out of perfectly filtered, aesthetic lives. Excessive emphasis on maintaining a façade of happiness and optimism is a recipe for disaster. I know this first-hand. You can’t smile through pain for long before shit will start to bubble up and ultimately explode — or implode, depending on which direction your mental health leans.
Toxic positivity is lipstick-on-a-pig of the spiritual sort. That’s working outside-in and we all know how unproductive that is: it might bide you some time but it won’t get you very far.
The truth is that sometimes we do need a thin layer of tox-po to propel ourselves out of bed and into the next phase of avoiding a slump or an impending menty-b, as the Gen Z’s call it. It is a life skill we all need to develop.
The trick is not to rely solely on that toxic positivity to sustain us once you’ve revved your engine. Let it serve its purpose: to help you get your booty up, and then you can deal with the engine’s issue.
You’ve got to call yourself out, and up. And I mean that in more ways than one.
Learning to lift yourself is learning to love yourself. It requires some serious self-inquiry, which leads to self-accountability, and self-accountability is the key to maintaining a certain level of self-care, even during challenging days.
So, if we are not toughing it out, slapping on that silver lining, and putting on our happy face, then when the going gets tough, how do the tough get going?
More importantly, how do the not-feeling-so-tough get going?
Here’s what works for me: